236.0. My BMI is 31.79. Bleah. The doctor says for me to get it under 27.
I went to the doctor yesterday about the circulation in my legs. He said that yes, my legs are edematous, i.e. there is fluid pooling in my tissues. He put me on a diuretic, so hopefully soon they'll stop aching all the time. I used to be able to take care of that by elevating my legs or by massage, but that has stopped working over the past few months. Bleah. If I want to avoid increasing problems in the future, I get to take care of it now.
Good reason to lose weight and get in shape. And here's another one: My life expectancy (as calculated by the BBC, no less) is 88.4 years. And here are two more: Paul and Ben.
On my mind today? Just getting through the work day... I'm tired and it's the busiest day of the month for us. It's a beautiful sunny day with some high cloud cover, so the sunbeams and the cats are calling me to nap. Nasty ol' sunbeams anyway...
238.5 this morning. I *know* I didn't burn a pound's worth more calories than I ate yesterday, so this must just be the usual fluctuation.
Work is so busy today; everyone has issues at the end of the month. My job consists of answering questions about annuities all day from bank agents. Yes, live in fear for the economy!! I work in a BANK!! Answering questions, no less, about investments. :o) I'm working through a temp agency called Kelly Services, at Bank One. Kelly's has done very well for me; decent jobs and they've kept me working pretty steadily. I worked first at SAMI (not too exciting, sorting hundreds of incoming faxes and taking phone messages)and MGIC (boring job [data compilation and reconciliation] but I came across several significant weaknesses in their database system... seemed like every couple days I'd go to the guy I reported to and tell him some new thing that was causing system problems. It was cool to be able to find problems they didn't know about, that were causing them enormous headaches) before here.
Ben's in Nova Scotia now, visiting Jeff. It's Nova Scotia instead of New Brunswick now because Jeff took a new job at Dalhousie University (he used to be at Mount Allison University). Ben is pretty excited about the mini-university program he'll be attending; I don't know much about it but I'm looking forward to hearing about it.
So what's really on my mind today? It's really very simple, it's that hot chocolate pudding-cake. :o) Mmm...
Quote of the day: "Poor planning on your part does not necessarily constitute a crisis on my part." I wish I could remember who said that.
Am I skinny yet?
Ha! Not likely. The scale said 239.5 lbs this morning; that doesn't rate as "skinny" in my book.
Made a new sword at fight practice yesterday, since my thumb isn't healed yet. A little padding on the handle and better gloves, and I should be able to avoid this in the future. Now if only my wrist would settle down...
Our wedding reception is getting set up, slowly but surely. It's going to be at the Minnesota Renaissance Faire on September 25, at 11:00 am. To-do list includes: guest list, invitations, food, flowers, photographer, clothes...
Guest list is almost done. The wording of the invitations is nearly set. Food and flowers are part of what the Ren Faire will do for us, input from Paul's Aunt Sherry coming soon. Photographer?? Aaagh!! Clothes...
Our clothes are in progress: Paul will wear clothes he has (a doublet [either a Felix or a Pendragon]and hose) with some 'spiff-ification'. He has appropriate clothing for a Ren Faire because he has spent may summers working at Bristol for his friend Ginger's business, Faire Paire Tights. Yes, he sells tights. :o) "Pettable" tights. :o) Awww, yeah.
I'm getting a dress made... none of my SCA garb comes even close to the right time period (my SCAdian persona lives in the early 12th century, this reception is set in the 1580's - HUGE difference), but Countess Tamara has graciously consented to make me something. I know it will be fabulous... more details when I have them.
... must ... resist ... M&M's .....
(singing)
Ben got straight A's!!
(singing and doing a happy dance)
He'll be going into Oak Creek West Middle School in the fall. I'm very excited about this school - it's a much better school than his current one, and he *loved* it when he was there before.
:o)
I called the passport office and we followed up on the delay on Ben's passport. New picture, new guarantor, couriered to the passport office in Gatineau to arrive Monday. Hurry, hurry, hurry passport!!
If I was Goth expect I'd love this weather. It's grey, rainy and cool. Check out Paul's blog for links to articles... it's weird and scary to see a house torn in half. It's a house; it's supposed to be where you go to be safe.
One of Paul's friends called the other day - he teaches adults to read. I've been trying to think of something to do that I can feel good about, and this may be one such thing. Not necessarily for the same company as Paul's friend, but also teaching adults to read. I'm looking into it; I'll keep you posted.
So what's actually on my mind today? Not much. I'm tired from the trip to Thunder Bay and just trying to focus on work. I'm proud of Ben for doing so well at school; I'm proud of Paul for working so hard at his exercises and fighting; I wish I could think of something to be proud of myself for.
Smile, folks, perseverance is a virtue.
Bumper sticker of the day: "My shitty attitude is none of your f*cking business."
Here we are, Thunder Bay. Ben's graduation from Grade 8. Where does this come from?? It's not like he's done (finished, caput, leaving forever) school and ready to move on to a new phase of life... he's "graduating" from grade *8*... he'll be going on to grade 9 if he's still in Canada, or he'll be going into grade 8 in Oak Creek.
"Well here we are folks, good job at work today. It's time for your Monday Graduation; nice suit, here's your certificate. See you tomorrow!"
Moronic.
If I was truly bitter, I'd launch into a rant about a conspiracy involving the people who sell kid's fancy-dress clothes and some limo company.
Buncha doughheads.
Smile; that way your teeth are free if you need to bite someone.
************************
OK, so now we've been to the Grad, and I have an answer to my earlier question, "where does this comes from?". Seems the teacher, Miss Knowles, used to have the same opinion about making A Big Thing of the grad. When she and the principal opposed it at a school board meeeting, she was told that this would be the only grad ceremony for up to about half of the student population of the school; many will never complete high school or any university/college. There is some provincial program that enables students of a certain age to opt out of continuing to try to finish school. I had never hard of *that* before. Hm. A very sad statistic, but now I think I understand a bit about making this A Big Thing.
'Morning, all. Pass that coffee pot over and warm my cup a bit, would you please? Thanks...
About Ben
So here's the thing. I love my son. It was just him and me for years. Though I think neither of us fully accepted a two-person unit as a "real family" in our hearts, we worked hard to be a family. I know that Ben's idea of a real family has a mom and a dad; I guess over time I've come to realise that my picture has both parents in it, too... which is maybe part of why I always felt so bad for Ben just having me most of the time.
We found Paul and our bestest and fondest wishes came true for all of us in many ways. For a little while, it was three of us all in one place, and we were adjusting well. It was odd for all 3 of us, but we were happy. We felt like a family.
Being apart the way we are is hugely difficult for all of us. Speaking only for myself, leaving Ben in Thunder Bay was one of the hardest things I've ever done. And leaving him there each time we visit is also exceedingly difficult. Frankly, I hate it. Totally aside from the driving (which sucks, is expensive, is adding brutal mileage to the car and is toasting my back), I have to get in my car every Sunday and leave him behind. I have to *leave my son* and go away from him. This cannot be over soon enough to suit us.
Smile; a grinning psycho is much scarier.
Quote of the day, from Reuters News Service on Friday June 18/04, about Ray Charles' funeral: Willie Nelson's performance of "Georgia on My Mind," one of Charles' best known tunes, brought the audience to its feet. Laughter also broke out when Nelson was described as a longtime chess adversary of Charles. After being beaten yet again, Nelson finally realized Charles' secret, and he recalled asking him, "Next time we play, can we turn the lights on?"
Sigh. Benless is not the way to spend Father's Day.
This morning Paul went to Chicago and got a bunch of errands taken care of for his mother, which was A Good Thing To Do. Then he came home and we were off to fight practice. His hard work with calesthenics and practicing is paying off - his endurance has increased noticeably and his midsection power has really improved. :o) He rocks.
After practice we went to Fuddruckers for dinner, came home, and called my dad. My parents are doing ok; they're trying to sell their house in Rainy River, and are looking for a new place to live either in Pinawa or Gimli, Manitoba. They've had a few people look, but it's way out in the country so I'm sure it will take some time for the right people to find them.
Boy, it's hard to be without Ben. :o(
Sigh.
Buttercup (of the Powerpuff Girls, not the Princess Bride) (or Pirates of Penzance) had an awesome theme song, even if the show was kinda silly.
On my mind today - fighting! Practice Sunday will see me in armour, even if it's only to do drills and spar with my husband. This is not to say that sparring with Abelard is A Bad Thing, not at all. He is a fun fight as a matter of fact. What I mean is that even if he and I are the only ones there, it's my intention to armour up anyway. I'm *sick* of being sidelined.
My back is feeling somewhat better - at least I can walk upright and rotate my waist a bit. :o) And in case anyone reading this is a worrywart (or a nag), I'll do a thorough warm-up and cool down, so you don't need to "remind" me. :o)
There really isn't anything like fighting... it's fulfilling physically and emotionally in a way different from anything else. It's hugely challenging and can never be perfected; it's tremendously difficult physically, and is a constant mental juggling act...
For me, when it's going 'right' (which doesn't necessarily mean I'm winning) there's a point of stillness in the midst of vast chaos - my arms and legs and body and brain are all swinging and moving and thinking all at once, but I'm watching and enjoying the show. I can't deliberately find that point yet, but I'm hoping I will be able to more often as I go along. There is such a fierce joy there... it's incredible.
So, strap the gauntlets and the sides of the body armour, get back to Sir Tristan about a new helm and fix up the old one. And get busy with the exercises!
Lots to do. 'Later, all.
Bumper sticker of the day: "Wimps can't be winners."
Quote of the day: (on the phone) "Yeah, we have some temps working here but you can't hold it against them..."
I didn't do the Furey torso exercises as I ought to have over the last few days; I've been feeling icky and didn't want to make myself throw up. Today my back is really painful... I'm going to go out on a limb and posit a causative link here. :o)
So I'm going to do the exercises regardless.
SO what's really on my mind today? Job vs. career, that's what. It's the old "What do I want to be when I grow up" question come back to haunt me. My current job (call centre, incoming calls about annuities from brokers) is OK, not challenging especially, boring sometimes, and no chance for advancement. Seems to me a career has to be something you can progress in, or it's just a job. At least for me. YMMV.
I've had lots of different jobs, a few of which could probably be made into careers. Part of the problem is choosing; not just what to choose but how to choose it.
Some few lucky people really love to do something in particular and can make a career of it. There's not much of a choice involved for those people. I'm kinda jealous of that! :o) Speaking for myself, I don't have just one thing that grabs me. I'm not that focussed. I could do all sorts of things, but I'm guessing I just don't have the discipline to pick one and stick to it.
I think the closest I've come would have to be either band instrument repair or massage therapy.
My first thoughts, from childhood, were to be a teacher. My love of music got added to that, and it evolved into wanting to be either a music teacher or conductor. Shoulder surgery ended that. Band instrument repair fill that niche in it's own way, and I enjoyed it quite a lot. It doesn't pay so well, though.
Being a massage therapist was both very rewarding and very frustrating. I really liked being able to make a difference in people's lives - I was fortunate enough to be able to really help some people out of debilitating, chronic pain. The amazement on their faces when they realise,"Hey! My neck/back/knee/shoulder doesn't hurt!" when it's been a constant for months - that's an incredible feeling. The problem was the rest of the time, which constituted the majority of the patients. Mostly people would want me to "fix" them, but they wouldn't do any of the necessary work themselves. They wouldn't correct the causative activities, they wouldn't do the exercises... it drove me crazy and handicapped their progress.
At this point, I'm looking for something fun with the possibility of advancement. :o) That's it for specificity. :o) LOL! Ideas?
Smile! It helps.
I'm fat. I need to do something about it. Seattle Sutton would be fabulous if we could afford it, but we can't, so the reality is *I* have to make the time to cook.
Given that (sigh), I need guidelines... and the less thinking I have to do about it, the better. If I have choices, I have space to weasel! Not conducive to progress. So a set menu would be a good thing. South Beach has that, and the diet itself makes sense to me. I'm researching... but I need to do *something*.
Bleah.
Take a deep breath, all, it gets better from here.
Really I think the title pretty much covers it.
So here's my theory about why I feel so crappy once a month: I know I 'retain water' cyclically, and I never seem to be able to clear it out once I've got it. I used to have kneecaps, once upon a time. Haven't seen 'em for ages. Or my malleoli (those knobs of bone on either side of your ankles are your medial and lateral malleoli). I'm thinking my system (kidneys and liver) simply can't keep up with filtering all the extra crap that's floating around in all that extra fluid, so I end up with all sorts of junk circulating around and making my brain hurt and my body ache.
My solution? For today, drink loads of water to dilute it all, and take some OTC water pills. And I expect I ought to go see the Doctor... my dad has varicose veins, so I have a hereditary tendency toward them, and this will definitely contribute to me developing them too. Perhaps we can do something to head it off as well as clearing me out.
I know the extra fat I'm carrying around doesn't help at all, either, and neither does being so out of shape.
Whee!
Keep breathing, all.
Quote of the day: "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."
Sigh.
In the SCA, the most gifted and chivalrous fighters can eventually be made Knights. It is a great privilege, and difficult to come by. One of the many things Knights do is teach less experienced fighters the finer points of combat and honour. Sometimes a Knight will make a commitment to train someone; in that case they can choose to establish a Knight-Squire relationship. As an outward token of that commitment, the Knight will usually give the Squire a red belt to wear. In the Middle Kingdom geographic area of the SCA, it's commonly known that red belt=squire.
I'm a squire. My Knight (Sir Alasdair) has made some difficult decisions of late, and made some pretty major changes in his life. Right now, what he's done seems hard to understand, and some folks are jumping down his throat pretty hard. I haven't had a chance to sit down with him and talk about it, so the why's and wherefores are unknown to me... but I can see what the public perception of his actions is doing, and it ain't pretty. It's a continual source of amazement to me, how fast people are to assume the worst and jump to the nastiest conclusion they can.
I'm waiting to have the chance to sit down with him and hear about it. In the meantime, things are uncomfortable, people are talking, rumours are spreading, and I have to deal with it with little actual info. :o(
My plan: talk with Alasdair asap, squish rumours when they poke up their ugly heads within squishing distance, and hang onto a positive attitude.
Hang in there, all.
Quote of the day: "They're thinking of burning down Detroit, but really, they're not sure if it will make much difference."
Today's bumper sticker: "What would Leatherface do?"
From the Havamal:
Never a whit should one blame another
for a folly which many befalls;
the might of love makes sons of men
into fools who once were wise.
I called today's entry that because I figured calling it "Wow, I really suck" would be somewhat less than reflective of a positive self-image.
Matt Furey's exercizes are tough. I can't do even *one* of his "Hindu" pushups, OR any bridges. Geez. What a feeling. :op Bleah.
That said, I *was* able to do at least some of all 7 of the basic ab exersizes, and ya know, it might be a concidence, but my back is somewhat less sore than it has been, and a little less tight too. Hmm...
I spent a while over the past several days looking for a chiropractor that has evening hours. Seems in Milwaukee that's Just Not Done. Buncha doughheads.
Enough ranting. Life is good!
Bumper sticker of the day: "It's time to pull over and change the air in your head"
Take it easy, all.
What's been on my mind lately:
Food, money and fighting.
Food (losing weight) and money: I've been trying to figure out how to cut costs, eat better, lose weight and eat out less. We get home from work about 6:00 pm or so generally and later some nights. It seems to come down to I'd need to spend a day shopping and cooking for the week, so we can have meals ready to go (like stew or something) that we can just heat up, or things that are pre-prepared and ready to cook, so we can just throw them in the oven or on the grill or something. But while we're driving to Thunder Bay, I can't put that together... I'm feeling pretty helpless frankly - we can't afford to eat out as much as we do but when am I going to cook real food??? Especially if I have to make enough to feed us for a week. AND I have to make menus, lists and then grocery shop.
We've been looking into Seattle Sutton's as one option. They make fresh meals and deliver them twice a week. They seem like a great solution but are also damned expensive. I know if we add up our grocery and restaurant receipts and factor in what we think is missing that'll give us a scope on if we're really spending that much already, but geez... $220+ a week is a LOT.
And Hey! Don't get the impression that Paul does nothing cooking-wise. He does! But I've made this my personal crusade. *shrug* I figure it's better than cleaning the litter box!
Fighting: I've been out of practice for a long time now, and I want to get back into it. My armour is almost repaired and ready to go; I still need to repair my current helm ( Sir Tristan is making me a new one) and then I'm ready to go. Finn Jarl is training me for the summer and I've asked him to kick me in the butt as required to keep me moving. Whee!
I'm starting to work out doing Matt Furey's calesthenics; I'll keep you posted with lots of whining about that, I'm sure.
Those are the main things steaming around in my brain these days. I try to avoid thinking about how much I miss Ben.
Bumper sticker of the day: "Vaccuums suck"
Take it easy, all.