6:35 am, 10 mg
9:30
It’s been a busy morning. I feel a little less jittery than I did yesterday, and the linear-reading thing is back. It also feels like my thoughts are jumping around less, along with my eyes.
Though I’m very busy, with many different little things, I don’t feel afraid about dropping the ball on them. It feels like I can trust my head to hang onto what I need it to. I don’t normally trust myself that way.
I was sad for a while last night. It occurred to me then that if the reason I can’t remember most of my childhood is not the fever I had in my teen years, but *this*, (which is what the neuropsych guy said is overwhelmingly likely), then … well, then nothing I guess, but I was sad about it. I guess losing memories for an unpreventable reason is one thing, but if I had this med *then* (which of course, I didn’t. Even if the drug was available then, there was no way for anyone to make this diagnosis) then I might be able to remember more. So I guess it was more a melancholy “what-if” kind of thing than anything else.
10:30
I just noticed (for the several-th time) that I haven’t gotten my music playing yet this morning. And I didn’t get it going yesterday morning till about now, or the morning before. About now is when the med is wearing off. I wonder if there’s a connection. Huh.
6:30, 10 mg
9:15
I feel clearheaded. Not as jittery as yesterday physically, though I’m again not going to have a second coffee (I could have a decaf, though. Hm). This med does seem to make my tremor a little worse, but so far its livable. We’ll see what happens on 40 mg a day, which is where Dr. U placed the ‘typical’ dose.
My mouth is again on the dry side. I did see that on the list of side effects, but sipping water takes care of it, so frankly that’s probably a benefit anyway.
Last night I went to bed early and so this morning, I wasn’t nearly as tired as yesterday. I wonder if the jittery effect is related to that… anyway, today I again feel a little energetic, not hyper, but maybe tending a bit toward the bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed end of the spectrum. Which is weird. I am *so* not a “perky” person. I am The Anti-Perk. My doc told me that this med can have a little “lifting” effect on mood, but what it kinda feels like (today, anyway) is that with the brain fog lifted, I can be my normal cheery self.
I think I can see how, if you ought to not be on this drug, it could make you hyper or manic.
10:00
Hm. I just noticed, when I was reading back over what I’d written, that today I’m reading more all-in-one line, whereas normally my eyes jump around a lot, all over the paragraph. That’s new.
11:00
What jitters there were, are gone. I guess that’s it for today!
OK, now I'm feeling more tired. Just as if I didn't sleep well last night. :o)
Every morning for the past several (certainly by this point) I've really wanted a second cup of coffee. Perk me up, percolator! There were quite a few mornings that I gave in and drank the work coffee. Bleah. Today I didn't want that second cup at all. I actually felt awake and alert.
Now the grogginess is settling back in. It does feel like a mental fog, it's not just physical.
Interesting.
BTW, the plan is after 4 or so days of taking one pill a day, once I'm used to it and we've had the chance to see if I have any bad reactions, I'm supposed to start taking a second one four to five hours after the first one.
One day at a time.
So along with all this intestinal stuff, which is calming down and which we (me and my doc) decided to put on the back burner for a while, I've been following up on another thread...
Old News
I have a tremor. It's a wiring issue in my brain (cerebellum, I think) that makes it produce an extra signal, like static on a radio. I take a med for it, and that keeps it manageable, so my writing is generally pretty legible and I can type and sew and embroider and like that, so it's ok. It's hereditary - my dad has it, and his dad had it. Most of my dad's siblings have it, though my brother does not. It doesn't normally show up till you're in your 40's so I dunno if Ben will have it or not. Mine started when I was about 18.
New News
It turns out that people with this specific type of tremor are statistically more likely than people without to have other issues as well, since this custom wiring jobbie deals with more than just movement. One of these issues is decreased executive function. OK, I had no idea what that meant.
Wait, let's back up. Here's how this came about...
Backstory
My GP finally talked me into neuropsych testing because of what I perceived as memory issues. I spent about four and a half hours one snowstormy day a few weeks back straining my brains (I can tell you all more about what it was like if you want, let me know), then got the results late last week. Memory has two main steps... info in and info out. My ability to get info *out* of the bucket is good. That's the bit they define as memory.
Front Story
It's the first bit that's my issue. Putting the info *into* the bucket. They call that bit "attending" as in paying attention. Attending is an executive function ability, as are a bunch of other things like self-motivating (at which I completely suck). Turns out I have executive function abilities that are "off-line" which means they don't match up with my other cognitive functions.
The Punch Line
After much discussion (thanks Phantom, Mary at SEDA, and Dr. U.) I have been convinced that a med might be helpful. So. I started today. 10 mg Adderall. I figured here would be a good place to track how I react and so on, so I'll be trying to write frequently about how it's going and what I'm perceiving and all that.
The Punchy Line
I took my dose at about 6:30. About 8:00 (as I finished my morning coffee), I noticed that I felt physically a little jittery, not bad, just a little extra caffeinated. Like I'd had more coffee than I normally do. It was a little odd, though, because if I drink too much coffee, that jittery feeling is in my brain, too, and it wasn't there at all this morning. My thoughts, inside my head, whatever... I felt calm. That physical jitteriness faded by about 9:00. I've had a little bit of a dry mouth, a little bit of a weird taste. Nothing radical.
It's just a bit after 11:00 now. The main thing I noticed is feeling more awake than I usually do, especially after sleeping not-so-well. I'm certainly not hyper or anything. My doc said a single dose would last about 4 hours or a little longer... feels like it's pretty much done now.
That's it for now. If this is too much, let me know.
Heh. If anyone actually reads this. I think most people (if so few can have a "most") who read my journal read it on livejournal. I won't be cross-posting this to LJ... I think it'll stay a little less public this way.
Lucky! I was digging through some stuff looking for something (which I didn't find) and found Abelard's partially completed coif. So I finished it! Yay for finishing a project, however little it may be.
For some unknown reason yesterday, things kinda blew up here. After a meeting between our interim Principal and the Powers That Be, rumours started flying that the school would close at the end of this school year. People were pretty upset and stressing out.
I wanted to know if there was something actually going on (you know, real info as opposed to rumour), and so I went and talked with the Principal. She said that there will be a “re-tooling” that will likely result in dropping grades one and two. Basically, we’ll morph into some sort of daycare, rather than a school. She sounded pretty pissed off, said she had been sold a bill of goods when she got hired, and I got the impression that if she stays all the way till the end of the school year, that’d be a loooong time. She seemed really frustrated. I don’t blame her at all for that if what she was saying is true.
But…
The Big Cheese (from Upstairs) came and talked to us all, and assured us all that there are no plans to close the school , that everyone will still have a job in September, etc. Nothing at all about becoming a daycare, or dropping grades or like that. Very warm and fuzzy and like that. A very sincere talking-to from a Suit, intended to be very calming and reassuring.
So…
Who to believe? Cuz I’ll tell ya, my knee-jerk reaction to a Suit is they can’t tell the truth to save their souls. But I don’t know any of these people well enough to tell.
And…
What’s my plan? Well, it looks likely that I’ll be able to stay here as a temp till the end of the school year, anyway, and see from there. In the meantime, I’ll watch what happens, if anything, and decide how to jump based on what changes are made. I dunno if I want to work for a daycare. *shrug* But I never would’ve said I wanted to work for a K3-2nd grade school, either.
Interesting times.
I'm still working at SEDA. They're still talking about hiring me. I still like it here.
Spring intersession is coming up. This means I will be on holidays from March 21st to April 11th. :o) I'm hoping to go visit my folks... though I still haven't called them about it. :o)
Ben's spring break is from March 21st to 30th, and I think the plan is still for him to go to Nova Scotia for his (postponed from Christmas) visit with his bio-dad.
Ben is still doing very well in school, my sweetie and I are still very very happy, my side is still being stupid, the driveway is still coated in ice, and its still snowing.
Life is still good.
Jan 31, 2008
Things Happen.
Sometimes, even when I don't want them to. *shrug*
For people with a low tolerance for talking about health issues, or, y'know, guts'n'stuff, you probably shouldn't read this entry.
It seems I may not have diverticulitis after all. See, I had another flare-up. Third one in four years, but the first one I'm getting to my own doctor during the acute phase. My doc is skeptical, and, hearing his reasons, I am too now, so I get to have a scope. Whee. I hear they're "not so bad", and I choose to believe that. :o) No horror stories, please. :o) They're thinking Crohn's or some other inflammatory bowel disease is more likely than diverticulitis... and since the treatments are quite different, it's important to know what's actually going on.
I don't have a date yet for it, so, more on this as it ... happens.
Feb 15, 2008
Survey Says…
… nothing yet.
Scope results (including biopsies) are all negative (so for those of you keeping score at home, this means for fairly certain that I don't have inflammatory bowel disease of any variety, no diverticuli means no diverticulitis, no polyps (is likely to mean) no cancer, no microscopic abnormalities means no microscopic colitis ...), which are all positive things for sure.
So, the Big Bad possibilities have pretty much all been eliminated (which is great), we just have no diagnosis yet (which is sucky). Woo, more to feel ambivalent about!
Back to the GP. I mean, he’s nice and all, but geez.