Hey, Nostradamus made a name for himself doing it; why can't I? But I'm savvier than he was: I'm starting out with a great press release like this one to help people understand right away that I'm hot stuff. I think it'll help avoid unpleasantries like being burned at the stake and being excommunicated from the Church, although since I haven't been communicated with any Church I'm not entirely sure that the latter is much of a danger. And frankly, burning at the stake these days seems to have been toned down to being roasted on national television by Ken Starr, and it's just not quite the same. Who says there's too much violence in the media these days?
That leads right into my first prediction for the Year Two Thousand. The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit Predicts that a kid in a high school is going to shoot a bunch of other kids, and that instead of everybody owning up to the fact that they did a shitty job raising their children, all the parents are going to sue each other and weep buckets of blood while crucifying Hollywood as the Instigator of All Evil. While this is probably minorly better than the Inquisition wherein they drained buckets of blood and maimed and tortured and murdered while decrying Jews as the Instigators of All Evil, it still sucks.
The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit also Predicts that she should make a macro for that phrase so she doesn't have to type it again. Hang on. . . . Okay, that's better.
As I was saying, The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit further Predicts that Hollywood will blame the writers who write bloody murderous stories, the writers will blame the public who go to see what they write, and the public will blame Hollywood while icky gory movies like _End of Days_ continue to be made. These may not strike you as much of a prediction, but I bet I'm right.
The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit also Predicts that China will put a man on the moon next year. This Prediction is partially inspired by the recent unmanned Chinese rocket launch and partially by having seen the trailer for _Man in the Moon_ too often already.
The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit Predicts that the Chinese man on the moon will cause huge raging screaming freaking panic on the part of if not the rest of the civilized world, at least the United States, and that we will then get our lazy asses in motion and put a man back on the moon ourselves. This does not fall under the 'If we put _one_ man on the moon, why can't we put them _all_ there?' category, but rather under the 'It's been thirty years, people; didn't it at least warrant a return trip?' category.
The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit Predicts that it probably won't be a private space program that puts the next (non-Chinese [which is not to suggest that the astronaut cannot be of Asian descent, but rather that he will not be in the vehicle sent up by the Chinese government, and for Christ's sake, 'he' is meant to be gender neutral, already]) man on the moon, but that there _will_ be an operational private LEO vehicle functional within the next year. The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit would like to steal her friend Trip's idea and suggest that this vehicle be required to make five trips to LEO within seven days, in order to prove that it is not only spaceworthy but that it can actually be used repeatedly. Trip had a nice acronym for that, but The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit has forgotten it.
The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit, having taken about a week's vacation from Predicting the first half of this essay and Predicting the second half, which is what she is now doing, made somebody laugh a whole lot last night by making the China goes to the moon Prediction. It may have been due to the phraseology, which was:
Kit (AKA The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit) bets China will be on the moon next year.
TICOAPWC Kit says, "Well."
TICOAPWC Kit says, "Not the whole country."
Kelly laughed a lot. :) (And opined that it would depend on how many nukes they had.)
The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit will now move on to some more of her predictions for Y2K.
I predict that the world is not, in fact, going to end.
I predict that Sarah and I will be accepted by a publishing house/producer.
I predict that the Big One is going to hit Alaska.
I predict that the IRA will disarm, but not until after David Trimble has been forced to keep his word and leave office at the end of February. Which sucks.
I predict that the mapping of the human genome will be completed by the end of the year, rather than by 2003.
I predict we'll have a successful Mars landing.
I predict Al Gore will win the Presidency.
I predict Boris Yeltsin will die.
I predict someone claiming to be Christ reborn will rise to very great power.
I predict Y2K will be a year unparalleled in both violence and reconciliation; I predict that the UN will gain more power than it has had before, and I predict that the United States will drag its heels in allowing the UN the kind of power it should be granted to begin building a world-wide governmental system. I predict that the global economy will continue to thrive, inexorably forcing the necessity of just such a government.
I predict that some of these things will happen, and some of them won't, but whatever happens, we're in for a hell of a ride.
The Incredible Omniscient Amazing Precognitive Wise Clever Kit thanks you, and goodnight.