After last session’s demon cat episode, which only took up the morning, we went back to the hotel and drank heavily until all hours of the morning. This at least had the effect of rendering the shock cards on Evelyn and Teddy moot. It also involved Teddy and Somerset down at the docks, shooting into the water while wearing nothing but socks, and Evelyn cutting bangs.
Somerset’s player: yes, right, because a haircut is mentally stabilizing
All three women players: you are clearly not a woman
We concoct an elaborate story about how we’re the new/heirs to Edward Gavigan and Omed al’Shakti in the Evil Brotherhoods, and how we’re working for the Penhew Foundation in the wake of those good mens’ unfortunate deaths, and wish to re-establish relations with Ho Fang, whose import/export business seems to be the one moving materials, antiquities, and weirdly advanced schematics all over the world. We send a letter to Ho Fang along these lines, and later that afternoon he responds saying he can see us the day after tomorrow.
So the next morning, we split the party: Teddy and Ared went to the Harbormaster’s office, where we found a ship of British registry, The Dark Mistress, which has traveled SUSPICIOUSLY QUICKLY between Australia, Shanghai and Britain over the past few months. We find its PO box, and, in hopes of getting more information, go to check that out.
Our other three party members go go the Seaman’s Club, which, to his dismay, Somerset recognizes from his visions: the back half of it is collapsed into the water. An American-accented-but-not-American bartender gives everybody their drinks, says there’s “seepage” at the back when Somerset asks wtf happened, and
Somerset: Right. Who would I ask if I’m not looking for the company line?
“That’d be Ambrose,” the DM says cheerfully. “Ambrose is the rosiest man you’ve ever seen. He’s half a ham, and the rest is mustache.”
Somerset: Are you Ambrose, then?
Ambrose, with a huge gin in front him and now also a double whiskey thanks to Somerset: CAPTAIN AMBROSE. HELLO, SIR, WHAT PART OF THE NAVY ARE YOU WITH?
Somerset: Captain Ambrose, of course. I regret to say I served in the Army, not the Navy.
Ambrose: WE SHAN’T TELL, IT’LL BE OUR SECRET
Somerset: What happened to the back of this place?
Ambrose: WELL NOW I WAS IN MY CUPS, I MEAN, I’D HAD A LITTLE TIPPLE,
Somerset: To take the edge off, yes, I understand.
Ambrose: HELLO, I SEE YOU HAVE TWO LOVELY LADIES WITH YOU. SISTERS, ARE THEY?
Evelyn: oh great he’s a perv
Ambrose: SO I WENT AROUND BACK TO RELIEVE MYSE, I MEAN, TAKE IN THE NIGHT AIR
Somerset, attempting to be patient: yes, and?
Ambrose: AND THEN TO GET ME TO TELL YOU MORE, YOU’LL HAVE TO GIVE ME A PSYCHOANALYSIS SPEND
Everyone: giggles
DM: or an assess honesty
The ladies sashay over.
Ambrose: IS THE ROOM SWAYING OR IS IT JUST YOU?
Caliope & Evelyn, simultaneously: Why not both?
Ambrose: INDEED WHY NOT BOTH
Somerset gets up and has to walk that off, but returns.
Ambrose: There was an American man staying at a place in the back of the club you could make a friend or two, IKYKWIM
Somerset: was the American this man? (shows him a picture of Brady)
Ambrose: WHY YES THAT’S JOHN SMITH, he went down with the boat. By which we mean the back of the club. Unless he survived!
Somerset: …John Smith, yes, of course.
Ambrose: Come a little closer, I have something UNUSUAL to tell you
Ambrose, reeking of gin: So. What I saw. MAY SHOCK YOU. MAY. If you aren’t a sailor, SHOCK YOU IN PARTICULAR. For I saw. A FISH. WITH LEGS. As large as man. BULGING EYES. Various dangling accoutrement. (italics for a french accent. A very drunk one.) As I, uh, took in the night air, I fell back a bit as it climbed the stilts of the club. It climbed using its MOUTH.
Somerset, Caliope, & Evelyn: …guess we’ll go examine the stilts…
Upon examination, the stilts have indeed been bitten through.
In the meantime, Ared and Teddy to go the post office, where Teddy disguises himself as another Western man and bluffs his way in to check the box, which was last accessed 2 weeks ago by Alfred Penhurst – Teddy leaves, says worriedly to Ared, “I fear that our clever plan to pass ourselves off as heirs to Edward Gavigan and the Penhurst Foundation will not pass muster with Ho Fang!”
DM: Penhew Foundation. This is Alfred Penhurst.
Teddy: well then who the fuck is this dude?!
We decide to go to Ho Fang’s warehouse, where our man-at-arms, Li, declines to join us, because he seems like a smart guy, and we’re clearly idiots. There are a couple guards there, and we approach, attempting to remember that THIS time, we’ve been invited, whereas usually when we go into a warehouse, we’re doing it very illegally.
Somerset: I’m Viscount Fancypants and I’m here to see your boss.
Guard, in Shanghaiese: And who are you?
Teddy, in Shanghaiese: We’re the Penhew contingent.
Guard, smirking: -opens the door-
Everybody except Teddy, who has no sense trouble, and Somerset, who failed his: WE’RE IN TROUBLE, GIRL
DM: you’ve fought a lot of cultists so far. These guys are gangsters and give you the impression they could murder you and drop you in the river without a blink.
Caliope: I think we shouldn’t get in a fight with these guys.
The room we’re escorted into is grungy and filled with boxes marked for Australia. Evelyn hears a ‘click’ sound. A cranky man tells us to follow him into the depths of the building. THIS SEEMS FINE. Evelyn and Ared notice a sign-in book and that Arthur Penhurst and Carl Stanford have signed it. We’re led through a warren. Evelyn keeps opening the doors. The guide pokes her with a stick. Somerset lowers the guy’s arm.
Somerset: Evelyn, please stop opening doors. Teddy, please tell this man that if he touches Evelyn with that stick again, I’ll kill him.
Teddy:
Evelyn, in her best Cantonese: I do apologize for opening all these doors and if you touch me again with that stick I’ll shove it up your ass.
Teddy: … I think she’s covered it.
Evelyn’s player, brightly: Evelyn learned all the dirty words first!
Teddy: :opens a door, just because:
We’re brought into the room with Ho Fang, who greets us as fellow travelers along the uncommon road. Especially Caliope, who is bugnuts with magic by now.
There’s a lot of careful dancing around the fact that we’re all lying to each other, and at some point we are introduced to “this Dracula-looking motherfucking dude” who is Carl Stanford and is a sorcerer. Teddy wants to shank him immediately, but Somerset is still dancing around trying to get information out of Ho Fang without fully letting on that we’re not who we say we are.
Me: I’m just a viscount, standing in front of an import/export expert, asking him to tell us everything…
Everybody: ::giggles::
Ho Fang: How long do you intend to be in Shanghai?
Somerset: A few more days, at least. We have some loose ends to tie up, and–
Ho Fang: As you are aware, I, the Pale Viper–
Teddy: O.O
Ho Fang: –and you have some thorns in common, such as one Jack Brady.
Somerset, treading wildly: Like I said, loose ends to tie up.
Stanford: And if you find him, he has in his possession The Seven Cryptical Books of Hassan, which I desire.
All of us: so we definitely don’t want to give HIM anything
Fang: One other thing – Mr Fey? I received quite a curious letter regarding your brotherhood.
Ared: Indeed?
Fang: It seems a very old lady will soon be visiting us.
Everybody: fuuuuuuck
Ared: When will she be arriving?
Fang: Within the month.
Somerset: GREAAAAAAT. Let’s get the fuck out of here, lads.
Evelyn’s player: wait before we go I want to do an assess honestly
DM: everybody’s lying to each other, but you’re not sure if your cover has been blown
We get out of there, and Ared notices we’re being followed. Teddy is DESPERATE to discuss the fact that this dude JUST SAID HE WAS THE PALE VIPER but we leap into a car and make a run for it, trying to escape our tail…only Caliope rolls a crit failure and the car goes into the river.
Four of us drag ourselves out. Somerset is dragged down, first by the car, then by an unseeable entity which seizes him. We try to grab him, but it’s too late—he disappears under the water–
–and wakes up in a basement somewhere with a figure looming over him.
Edward Gavigan: Somerset, my dear fellow, it’s been such a long time.
Somerset: DAMMIT!