Somerset awakens, as previously mentioned, in a sodden basement with Edward Gavigan lingering nearby.
Somerset: Eddie, old boy. I suppose you’re going to kill me now. We’ve ended up with friends in low places.
Gavigan: Some of them lower than others, I hear. Your American cowboy friend, for example… (Dillon, who died a few episodes back)
Somerset’s head explodes with fury, but he’s like: Don’t suppose I could have a drink and a smoke beforehand? We are of a certain class, after all.
Gavigan: Obviously. Gentlemen, and all.
He offers Somerset a smoke. Somerset attempts to cast a fire vampire spell, fumbles it, and dives back into the river, where monsters drag him back down.
Back on shore, Teddy holds up his Bast amulet to the sky: DEMON CAT WU! I CALL UPON YOU TO RETURN OUR FRIEND SOMERSET SAFE AND SOUND, WELL IN MIND AND BODY
Everybody else: we are very surprised Teddy thought of that second part. Actually we’re surprised he thought of the Demon Wu at all, but def surprised he thought of the second part.
THE DEMON WU: IT SHALL BE DONE
Ared and Teddy spends the next two days desperately searching for Somerset. Caliope drowns her guilt for bad driving in a bottle of whiskey. Evelyn investigates the bottom of a whiskey glass. In due time, Ared and Teddy recruit Captain Ambrose because he has a boat, and start searching the river.
Ared: for a CORPSE
Teddy: FOR SOMERSET, WHO WILL BE RETURNED TO US ALIVE AND WELL
Ambrose: Teddy, young man, will you pull up that… that thing that… makes the boat stick in place…
Teddy, enthusiastically: The anchor? Can I say ‘anchors aweigh’?
Ambrose: Not unless you’re a Navy man.
Teddy: aww.
Somerset’s player, dying of laughter: I love that Teddy wants to say ‘anchors aweigh’ but Ambrose says no so Teddy’s just like, sigh, okay. What a good boy.
Teddy spends 2 on Outdoorsman and sees a hunched, drowned-like figure on a sandbar-ish beach. He and Ared get in the ship’s rowboat and drag someone who seems to be James Somerset Smith in very very bad condition – half drowned, a bite taken out of his leg, lungs full of silt…but he recovers enough to hack up a single word:
Somerset: …Theodore…
Me: I gotta admit, I expected him to say ‘Gavigan…!’
Teddy: 😍 It is I, Somerset! We have saved you!
We bring him back to the hotel and call for a doctor, who applies kindly violence to help get the rest of the fluid out of his lungs, and finally Somerset awakens in the middle of the night
Somerset: Theodore. You found me. I need a drink. Rum! Make it rum.
Teddy thinks that’s weird bc Somerset usually drinks whiskey, but okay! He steals Captain Ambrose’s rum, since he’s passed out in the suite, and gives it to Somerset, who is somewhat dismayed to hear that
- it’s been most of 3 days
- Teddy believes the Demon Cat Wu saved him, and that
- apparently nobody’s been doing any investigating in his absence, just drinking and searching for him
Somerset: …yes, that makes sense…
Once Somerset is back on his feet, we go to investigate an unusual fire that was set recently and seemed suspiciously fire-vampirey. As it turns out, that’s because fire vampires were setting the fires, but we do manage to find out that Jack Brady was here only two weeks ago! With a ‘flower girl.’
Teddy: there must be so many weddings here, that they need professional flower girls!
Everybody: …yes, it’s a booming industry, Teddy, yes, it’s very romantic…
We then go to look for the flower girl, whose madame is like ‘oh yes we know Jack Brady’ and it turns out she sold Brady a girl’s contract (grimace) Choi May Ling and they are, she hopes, very far away, because they ruined a room. One of the other girls had to be sent to the hospital as a result.
All of us, variously horrified or impressed: What happened?
Madame: You may examine the room.
The room seems to have been broken into from above. Furnishings are totally destroyed, there are ANIME amounts of blood everywhere and it appears something with huge claws and teeth tore somebody apart in here. Apparently it was the poor son of a bitch who used the room next, rather than Brady, but good lord. We do find a red armband which apparently belonged to somebody from a left-leaning sect of local politics, rather than a murderous cult member, which we have mostly encountered in the past.
As we leave, a very beautiful man arrives with a note for Teddy and Evelyn, saying, “This is from Madam Lin Yen-Yu, and it would be wise for you to heed it.”
Teddy leans over to Evelyn: Who is Madam Lin?
Evelyn: no idea
The rest of the party: we also don’t know
Me: oh good, I was afraid it was just me who didn’t remember her!
The note: My beautiful children, if you would dine with me in two days’ time, it would be a great honor. I give to you a small token of my appreciation for our burgeoning business arrangements.
Inside there are two pins of silver swallows, one with a ruby and one an emerald, clearly a tie pin and a brooch.
Teddy: Oh, these are very lovely! Evelyn, let me put yours on you!
Caliope: UM, TEDDY….
Me: -breaks down into giggles-
Evelyn: Last time you accepted jewelry from somebody it ended up saddling us with a demon cat, Teddy…
Teddy: and look how well that worked out for us!
Ared has heard around town that Madam Lin, aka Madam Swallow, was once a flower girl herself, and has worked her way up to being an underworld power in Shanghai.
It’s evening now, so we decide to go back to the Stumbling Tiger and drink heavily. We see Isoge Taro again (the spy). Teddy wanders over to say hello.
Teddy: Hello, Captain!
Taro: I believe you’ve mistaken me for someone else. I am but a humble foreman at the local factory.
Teddy: oh riiiiight. Sorry, mistook you, hello Foreman Taro, I hear there’s trouble in the streets, is that a problem for your workers?
Taro: It is indeed. Some of them are joining unions.
Teddy: Up the unions! Good for the workers!
Taro: What is good for the workers is not my concern.
Teddy: What is your concern, Foreman Taro?
Taro: Only the day to day workings of my factory, of course.
Teddy: Of course.
Teddy tries to get Taro drunk, which won’t work, but it’s worth trying. In the meantime, Ared, at the door, notices Li, our local guide, has left us, and is now sneaking off down an alley. He follows to find Li speaking with a dockworker and a tall man in a coat while they pretend to eat at an alley-based noodle cart.
Ared rolls THREE SIXES on his sneak, walks up beside them to order some noddles from the noodle cart…
…and sees that the tall man in the coat is JACK BRADY!!!
Brady: …and they pulled him out of the river? This may be more of a problm than I thought. We may have to take them soon. Are you with us?
Li looks down, ashamed, but agrees, and Brady and the other man leave.
Ared sits down beside Li, who goddamn well near shits himself.
Ared: It seems your employment with us is at odds with the wishes of your true master.
Li: -turns white- My true masters are the people of China. I serve only them.
Ared: Our goals are in league with yours! We’re trying to save the entire world?
Li: uh HUH, SURE you are
Eventually Ared convinces him, more or less, that we’re the good guys, despite having met with Ho Fang.
Li: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SPY???
Ared: The Japanese one? He was a surprise to us, too.
Li: …I might have to do something about him.
Ared: Let me know if you need help.
At that point, Li does seem to decide to trust Ared, at least sort of, and agrees to set up a meeting with Jack Brady tonight!
Ared comes back into the bar and sits down next to Somerset.
Ared: I found Jack Brady.
Somerset: You what? How?
Ared: He was in the alley. With Li.
Evelyn: with OUR Li????
Ared: With our Li, yes. I think he may be a Chinese spy.
Everybody: we’ll be damned.
At midnight, a laundry van arrives to take us to Brady. It has three armed men in it and they expect us to put pillowcases on our heads.
Teddy, for some reason, becomes obstreperous: What if we don’t?
One of the dudes hefts his tommy gun & Teddy’s like, “Do you really want to fire that in a van?” so the dude HITS HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE BUTT OF THE GUN. VERY UNCOOL, DUDE.
Teddy roles a crit success in avoiding damage but the rest of them won’t let him punch the dude in the face, so Teddy’s a grumpy butt as they’re brought to a warehouse which has HUNDREDS of people and is FULL of munitions. This is, in fact, the People’s Army (or at least part of it), and they’re being trained by one Jack Brady.
Brady, shirtsleeves rolled up, standing amongst his people: So. I hear you wanted to talk to me.
All of us: -make a slightly hysterical noise-
Somerset: You certainly have led us on a merry chase. We’ve been following your expedition for a long, long time.
Brady: Li tells us you’re to be trusted, despite your dealings with our enemy.
He’s drinking cheap brandy and Evelyn makes a face.
Brady: What’s the matter, sweetheart, don’t you like a bit of rough?
Literally all of us burst out laughing at that: You CLEARLY don’t know Evelyn!
So finally we get Jack Brady’s story, which is quite long and amounts to “so the lads in my expedition basically all went mad and I grabbed the chillest of them (and he was not chill) and got out of Egypt the night before the rest were slaughtered. He’s in a madhouse now and I’m hiding in Shanghai.”
AND THEN LI STEPS UP, PROFUSELY SWEATING, AND SHOOTS JACK BRADY!
Brady goes down. Evelyn tries to apply first aid while Ared tackles Li to the ground!
Li: what…what happened??? I don’t remember?
All of us: AAAARRRRRGH
Evelyn stabilizes Brady. Somerset tries to save him, but even with a critical success, somehow Brady is DYING dying. Caliope spends MAGIC LIFE POINTS and with a crit success, ages visibly, greying, as Brady begins to heal!
…and our POV changes to a cat running along a beach on an island (but not, as I fear, a tiny island in the middle of the river, almost no more than a sandbar). It starts wrapping itself around a pile of rags that has washed ashore on the island…
…a pile of rags that proves to be…
James Somerset Smith.
Somerset rises and asks the cat where the hell he is.
THE DEMON CAT WU: You, Viscount James Somerset Smith, are in Grey Dragon Island!
and the camera pans up to a forested island out in the bay near Shanghai to look up at what is a volcano covering over half the island…
He hears noises in the forest, a weird coughing galumph as if a very heavy throat is trying to clear, and he sees something coming out of the surf…
…a ten foot fall horrid fish-ish thing with mostly a huge face of teeth, with smaller versions of it around him…!
For it is NOT Somerset we rescued after all! It is EDWARD GAVIGAN, BEING EVIL!!!!
Somerset’s player: I WAS TRYING SO HARD TO GIVE YOU GUYS CLUES!!!
All of us: WE DIDN’T TRUST THAT IT SEEMED LIKE SOMERSET, BUT…
Caliope’s player: BUT WE NEVER. EVEN. CHECKED.
Somerset’s player: I NEVER CALL TEDDY ‘THEODORE’!
Me: I NOTICED THAT but Teddy thought it was a sign that he had risen in Somerset’s estimation!!!!!
Somerset’s player: AWWWWWWWW
Somerset’s player: I never addressed Ared directly because I don’t know who he is! And I didn’t get to talk to Evelyn or Caliope! But I hypnotized Li to shoot Brady!
All of us: GAAAAAASP!!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!
Somerset’s player: YESSSSS
Somerset: And I did HARM to Brady instead of healing him with that crit success!
All of us: GAAAAAASP!!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!
Somerset’s player is SO pleased with himself, and we are SO embarrassed, and it was JUST AMAZING. And this is the last session for 2025, so we’re going into next year with the knowledge that WE’VE BEEN HAD, although we DON’T know it in character! oh my GOD. This has been AMAZING! AHAHAHAHAHAH! :D :D :D :D :D