When last we saw our heroes, they were returning from a side trip to Memphis. In our absence, Teddy, Freddy, Evelyn and Calliope had a side adventure and then went out and got properly smashed at a drag king club, the name of which is escaping me, somewhere in Cairo. This all went as well as you could possibly imagine, and they returned incredibly hung over.
Teddy and Dr Willie Preston met for the first time. It was most excellent. Tragically, they then parted ways, Teddy to nurse a headache and Willie to lead us into very questionable choices at the Great Pyramids.
DM: Okay, you’re at the pyramids! What do you want to do?
The party: …ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..
Alice: I’m going to go look at the dig where Willie’s sarcophagus disappeared.
Evelyn: I’m going to go look at those very handsome young men digging things up.
Calliope: …I feel like someone should keep an eye on Alice, so I guess I’ll do that…
DM: Can any of you ride camels?
Alice: I have two in ride!
Evelyn: I’ve got 6 in ride.
DM, mumbling: of course Evelyn is a horse girl
Evelyn’s player: -attempts protest- -falters into inevitable agreement-
Calliope: I grew up in central London, I can’t ride at all.
DM: Okay, so Alice goes to the dig where Willie’s sarcophagus disappeared, Evelyn goes to look at the men working, and Calliope…goes where the camel wants to go. Fey, what are you doing?
Fey: I want to see if there are any mysterious and cryptic messages at the Sphinx.
Alice finds the dig, which is covered over, and immediately starts looking for something to dig it up again with. “I wonder if I can convince the camel to dig…”
DM: ah yes, those notorious digging animals, camels
Calliope’s camel: GRRROOOOOOONK
DM: is anybody trying to do anything formal? Get permission for anything?
Alice: Do you think I could steal a shovel from somebody?
Evelyn: Hellooooo, handsome young men! My, what fine muscles you have as you do your hard work! Isn’t Egypt lovely! So full of mysterious mysteries! Perhaps you could tell me about what you’re working on!
Young men: -are crude-
Calliope’s camel: GRRROOOOOOONK
DM: Fey, you find a mysterious and cryptic message at the Sphinx! In the meantime, is anybody trying to do anything formal? Get permission for anything?
Fey: -returns to Evelyn, triumphant-
Young men: -are very crude-
Evelyn: I can tell you’re being crude, you naughty young things, although I don’t know what you’re saying because I’m American and only speak English! Take that!
Calliope’s camel: GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOONK -and also carries Calliope over to an abandoned well/garbage chute that the DM wants us to notice- GRRROOOOOOONK
The poor beleaguered DM: is anybody trying to do anything formal? Get permission for anything?
Calliope & Evelyn: Oh look, we’ve found a deep empty hole in the ground! Everybody come look!
(Everybody comes to look.)
DM, desperate now: is anybody trying to do anything formal? Get permission for anything?
Me: We’ve never done anything like that before in this entire adventure, so I’d say we’re constitutionally unlikely to start now.
DM, relieved that somebody has made a decision: Okay, great. It’s getting very hot out now and other archaeology parties and tourists are going off to rest in the heat of the day.
Evelyn: is there anything nearby I can steal to help us get into that hole without killing ourselves?
DM: Like this truck full of supplies?
Evelyn: AMAZING. I get rope, pitons, lanterns (a long list of other things I can’t remember) and…whiskey?
DM: there is no whiskey
Evelyn: DAMN.
After a brief discussion of our general athletic skills, Fey goes down the hole first, to try to put pitons in to make it easier for everybody else. Instead, he falls. Whoops. At least he manages a good roll on his health save and isn’t horribly damaged.
Alice, who is equally athletic, follows and successfully puts pitons in to help the others. We leave Dr Willie Preston above-ground in case we need someone to notify the authorities of an emergency.
My father, later, horrified, as we relate the adventure to him: You left BILL in charge of EMERGENCIES?
Us: we are not the best at making good decisions
Back in the game, we all get fifty feet down into the ground, which is somewhat slimy and stinky because of the garbage archaeologists have been throwing down here.
GM: Okay, who’s going first?
Alice: I’m going first. Fey fell down the hole. Also my driving trait is curiosity.
Evelyn & Calliope: be our guest
Fey: hnf
GM: By the way, Alice, you are extremely comfortable down here in these tunnels. Absolutely comfortable.
Alice: Of course I am.
Everybody else: WE’RE NOT!
GM: nor should you be
(ok he didn’t actually say that but COME ON)
As it turns out, it’s almost as bad an idea to let Alice lead the party through catacombs and tunnels of doom while driven by curiosity and no discomfort at all as it would be to let, say, Teddy take the lead. She barges ahead with an alarming single-mindedness while everybody else is like “Um. Um. Perhaps…well, shit, Alice has the light, better catch up!”
…up until the point when there’s a Terrible Stench that only Alice can smell, and it belatedly occurs to her that maybe she should try to sense trouble.
DM: -rolls for my perception check- You in danger, girl
DM: You are suddenly very very afraid and feel strongly you should get out of there.
Alice: LET’S GO THE OTHER DIRECTION, GUYS
Unfortunately, while Alice was barging off That Way down a path of horrible black roses, Calliope got another light working and she and Evelyn took a quick look The Other Way, where they saw terrifying Anubis-headed things standing motionless in the darkness. They scurry back with Evelyn hissing, “Whatever you do, don’t tell Alice what we just saw” at Calliope.
Calliope: No shit, Sherlock.
Evelyn & Calliope: NOPE WE WERE WRONG LET’S GO THE WAY YOU CHOSE IN THE FIRST PLACE ALICE
Alice: NOPE I’M WRONG LET’S GO THE WAY YOU JUST CAME FROM ALSO CAN’T YOU HEAR THAT CRYING CHILD WE HAVE TO GET TO THE CRYING CHILD NOW THERE ARE MEN CALLING FOR HELP WE MUST HELP THEM!
Fey: you people are all idiots, aren’t you
Calliope, who really does think fast: these tunnels all twist around down here, Alice. The sound is probably coming from somewhere else entirely and if we go down the path of black roses we’ll find them.
Alice, somewhat dubious: …okay…
We do not find any crying children or men calling for help. We DO find tunnels dripping blood (LET’S NOT GO THAT WAY), more Anubis-headed monsters, and finally…
…finally a deep glowing red light begins to draw us toward it, and for the first time we begin to go up instead of down, up, up, up…into a chamber filled with the red light, and a hard (yellow?) light that’s difficult to even look at, and a general sacrificial vibe, and…
…what quite frankly appears to be a Hellmouth at the far end of the chamber.
DM, cheerfully: Well! You have two or three sessions left in Egypt, I reckon. (pause) Or one, if you mess up!
And on that note, we close tonight’s adventure. O_O