Call of Cthulhu: Penultimate Albion

So I didn’t write up the antepenultimate adventure in England because as it turned out, we didn’t do all that much and ::laughs:: they wouldn’t let Teddy talk. :) We essentially finished defeating the monster–which the GM told us afterward was notoriously a Total Party Kill scenario, and which we survived basically unscathed–and the next morning decided that the only sensible thing for us to do was…

…visit the armory, leaning on Dylan (American sharpshooter) and Summerset (British lord)’s military background, and ‘borrow’ as much as they’d let us, for some ‘shooting in the country.’ We ended up with two Tommy guns, a K-Bar, stuff for molotov cocktails, and a phial of red phosphorus. Because you need that kind of equipment to go shooting in the country. O_O

Having done that (“…this is…not what I expected you to do this session…” said our poor GM), we went to do some reconnaisance at the Blue Pyramid Club: Dylan and Summerset went ’round the back and told a greengrocer that they were there from the local council to look into his gutters, and Evelyn and Teddy went in the front door, where Evelyn spun a series of terrible lies about our relationship with Edward Gavigan which ended up with everybody wanting to kill us. We attempted to escape through the back, where Dylan and Summerset were coming in, and ended up surrounded; Teddy, finally breaking his teammate-imposed silence, yelled something like, “Fear not! We are enemies of Edward Gavigan, and are only here to gather information on how we can murder him most thoroughly!”

…which did, at least, get us out of there in one piece. Here’s to honesty, Teddy. :)

Having sort of promised that we would make no moves on Gavigan until the dark of the moon, when he was expected to perform some ritual murders, we spent the next couple of in-game weeks recovering from our various injuries and stability losses. All except the newcomer, disgraced debutante and scholar Calliope, who, um, spent it reading tomes of magic and gradually losing her grip on reality.

GM: Okay, you read two books of magic with no loss of stability. Do you want to try another easy one or go for something harder?

Calliope: Well, I want to go easy buuuuuut….let’s try the more difficult one.

GM: ::rolls some dice:: Okay, Calliope, we need to have a private discussion. Lads, we’ll be right back.

GM & Calliope’s player go offline. The rest of us stare at each other in horrified silence, which is a pretty great trick for people in separate rooms spread all over the country.

It took some time for the GM and Calliope to come back. THAT wasn’t concerning…

Recognizing Calliope’s increasingly vacant-eyed stare as something that had happened to Beloved Alice, Teddy asked if she’d like to go out for a drink and talk about things. Calliope agrees and they go to some kind of…flapper dive bar. At least, I assume it was a dive bar; here were flappers dancing on the table.

Calliope: Teddy, I’m terribly sorry, but I think there’s something you need to know. The others…they’ve been keeping things from you.

Calliope’s player: i am so sorry

Teddy: OH NO!

Calliope: I know they’re only trying to protect you, but I believe that they’ve been lying to you about the imminent danger Alice is in. We must go immediately to save her. The others don’t want you to. They don’t care about what happens to Alice. But I know you do, and so we must go to save her right now, ourselves, alone.

Teddy, who is dumb but not that dumb: …I think we should go get Dylan first.

Calliope’s player: i am so sorry

Calliope: I’m afraid you can’t trust Dylan, Teddy.

Dylan’s player, who has only been half listening: WHAT?!

Everybody else: KEEP UP, DYLAN!

Calliope, increasingly urgent: No, Teddy! We must go now! Together! Alone! Immediately! ALICE IS IN DANGER! We must go to the marshlands of Essex, where Alice is being held!

Calliope’s player: i am so sorry

Teddy, panicking: Excuse me, lovely flapper lady dancing on this table? I have a strange request to make of you!

Flapper lady: honey, it ain’t gonna be the strangest thing i’ve ever heard

Teddy: I would like you to take this stack of cash and in exchange go to Lord Summerset’s home and tell him that Teddy and Calliope are going to the marshlands of Essex to find Alice and they should join us right away.

Flapper lady: Arright, luv!

She takes the money and proceeds to get absolutely trashed on it, but does, very early in the morning, remember to stagger by Summerset’s house to pass along the message.

In the meantime, Summerset, Dylan and Evelyn (NYC socialite) are increasingly worried that Teddy and Calliope have not returned. They sleep, but are prepared to rush out the door the moment there’s news from the flapper lady.

Calliope, fortunately, turns out to be terrible at kidnapping people, and instead of taking her car, they take the train to Tiny Town Essex, which is a much more time-consuming journey than it otherwise would be. After a brief sojourn at The Tiny Town’s Tiny Hotel (where Teddy inevitably asks if they know where Edward Gavigan, a greatly evil man who they are going to murder, is, and where they actually get a little bit of instruction as to where that is), they set off through the marshlands, another thing which Calliope has no skill for. Teddy, who does, VERY MUCH wants Dylan to catch up to them, so does not USE his outdoorsmanship, allowing them to founder along in a way they might not have otherwise.

Dylan and Evelyn (sans Summerset, whose player wasn’t actually available) arrive at the tiny town with its tiny hotel a mere half hour after Calliope and Teddy have left! They set off after them via the road, with Dylan driving…extremely recklessly, as it turns out! They crash the car terribly! Evelyn is badly injured, but Dylan first-aids her into only being injured instead of life-changingly injured.

Evelyn, her shoulder being set: ::SCRREEEEAAAAAAAMMMMMS::

Teddy: I would know that scream anywhere! It is Evelyn! Our friends are nearby! We must help them, Calliope!

The Horrible Voice in Calliope’s Head: KILL HIM

Calliope’s player: i am SO SORRY

Calliope picks up a rock and tries to bash Teddy’s brain in with it. She does manage to hit him with it, although there is no actual bashing involved.

Teddy: ::shocked betrayed Keanu Reeves faces:: HOW COULD YOU?

Calliope’s player: i am SO SORRY

Teddy wrangles her into submission, and I need you to understand how hard our poor GM is trying to move things along at this point, because in theory we’re finishing up tonight, and we are just a disaster at moving things along in a pacey fashion. So instead of combat, it’s just assumed that Teddy (who has scuffle) is going to easily defeat Calliope. Shortly thereafeter, they meet up with Dylan and Eleanor and return to the hotel.

The group: well, shit, now what are we going to do? they know we’re coming, and we clearly can’t trust Calliope anymore…

GM: I mean, DO they know you’re coming? If you get the car, they may never have a hint…

Dylan: Okay, Teddy and I will go get the car. Evelyn will stay here with Calliope, because we obviously can’t trust her.

GM: That’s going to take some mechanical repair. Anybody have that?

Almost everybody: crap, no

Calliope: i do

Everybody else: GUESS WE TRUST CALLIOPE AGAIN

They got the car, and after brief discussion, we decide that even though we’re supposed to wait until tomorrow, we’re gonna go in tonight and see if we can’t stop Edward Gavagin’s party before it starts.

GM: Do you sneak in?

Everybody but Teddy: I have stealth.

Teddy: I have NO STEALTH AT ALL

Calliope: I have lots. You can stealth in on my stealth.

Teddy: ::suspicious::

Surprisingly, however, we stealth in just fine, seize the first wandering cultist we see, and choke him out. Teddy takes his robes (revealing a 20something blonde Eton boy beneath them), we hog tie him with his own clothes, stuff a gag in his mouth, and leave him in a bush. Teddy, now disguised as a cultist, just walks straight up to the house to make sure the nearest room is empty, then signals the rest. They join him, knocking another cultist out along the way and taking his robes.

With a little effort, we discover a secret passage to a secret basement, where we find A LOT OF CAPTIVES, one of whom we know, and one of whom we know OF. We also find two more cultists. Dylan punches one for basically no damage while Teddy chokes the other one out. Calliope throws a knife at the undamaged punched guy. It goes poorly. Evelyn throws a knife at him. It goes well, but – luckily – not well enough to kill him.

Which is just what Teddy wants. He grabs the guy by the lapels, hauls him up, and snarls, “Where is Alice?” into his face. After the stuttering dude manages to explain that she’s coming in on the trucks tonight and will probably be kept upstairs in Gavigan’s bedroom, Teddy beats the shit out of him.

GM: I’m gonna need everybody to do a stability roll against being shocked.

Everybody: ::spends a point or two and comes out unscathed::

GM: holy crap, you all made it?

Dylan’s player: look, we all knew Teddy was gonna go full John Wick at some point here

We find a BUNCH of clues, including one that is 100% going to pull us to Singapore instead of Egypt where we were planning to go next, and before taking the secret door that leads upstairs, have to convince all the captives that while yes, they are free now – we unlocked their cells – if they want to survive, they’re going to have to wait until we deal with the cultists. And again, our poor GM has been trying so hard to move us along in a brisk fashion here, but it’s been clear for at least half an hour at this point that we’re not going to make the final battle tonight.

So instead we get upstairs to the master bedroom, from whence we can see dozens of cultists, Edward Gavigan (Evelyn: he’s so dreamy! (our GM has cast the patrician and piercingly blue-eyed Charles Gray as our Gavigan)), and two…dragons…spread out on the lawn below.

And there is still no sign of Beloved Alice…!

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE GRAND FINALE OF THE ALBION ADVENTURES IN CALL OF CTHULHU!

(for some value of next week, depending on when we actually play again :))

Tagged call of cthulhu, gaming