This is an apology to all the heavily perfumed women at the pool I have ever cursed.
Don’t get me wrong. You are god-awful blights upon the swimming community. Your perfume thickens the air and leaves sickeningly sweet flavors at the back of other swimmers’ throats. It makes us cough and makes drawing breath difficult.
But you have got nothing on this morning’s Garlic Man.
Oh. My. God. I thought the perfumed women were bad, but this guy was actually gag-worthy. Every time I came near him I felt ill. It was so bad that when I caught a breath in his vicinity I said “Oh my God” or “*Galagh*” under the water. I was opting for oxygen deprivation at the walls rather than risk breathing near this guy. I have not gotten out of the pool and into the locker room–because he was lingering at the wall when I finished swimming–so quickly since high school when I had another class to get to in ten minutes.
I don’t know what he’d done, steeped himself in garlic for three days? Maybe he has a deep-seated fear of vampires, I don’t know, but oh my *God* that was the most appalling thing I have ever smelled at a pool. I cannot imagine how he got such a stench on him, but holy *Mary*. I hope he never ever ever comes back. Waugh!
*LMAO* OK, as a fellow swimmer, I feel your pain! OR smell it. Or something like that.
But, here is my issue with your post. How could you, a Fantasy writer, be offended when a possible reader is so deeply immersed in one of your fantasies as to actually take precautionary measures against a vampire attack?!? I mean, jeez…poor guy, loves your writing, knows there are vampires out there because Kit wrote about ’em by gosh and by golly! So, a bit of marinara, a little extra garlic toast, some garlic sausage, and don’t forget to rub a bit at the pulse points! Those vampires just love the pulse points!
So, you see, you are really a victim of your own success!! Well, I guess a few others may have written about vampires, too, but they don’t really count, right…?? ;)
I had so forgotten how you can make me laugh!!! :)