Today I bring you the writeup for our second Call of Cthulhu with Teddy, my dumb, dumb, DUMB, but darling, arteest who is involved in this entire game simply bc his affianced, Beloved Alice, has lost her marbles.
We have spent a month in Scotland, at fellow player Summerset’s estate. Alice has not recovered. Teddy has flirted with Summerset’s wife, Rose, who is politely impressed that he’s an artist: Very nice blues, dear.
Teddy: Thank you! It’s my favorite color! Would you like to hear some of my other favorite colors? Green, and gold, and (struck by inspiration) ROSE!
Rose: That’s very nice, dear. Summerset, darling, your friend Teddy requires your attention. (departs)
Teddy: Summerset! How’s your (dead friend, the ghost who’s haunting him) Sam?
Summerset, through his teeth: He’s just fine, Teddy. DYLAN. Teddy needs you! (departs hastily)
Teddy is happy to stay at Summerset’s estate forever, as long as he can tend his Beloved Alice. Summerset is horrified by this idea (not because he was flirting, though, just because Teddy is so dumb the idea of him being there forever is awful & he’s too upper class British to be able to throw him out.)
Teddy, enamored of the idea of staying forever, without changing a syllable of his Bill & Ted delivery: I am working on my Scottish accent! What do you think?
Entire party: is reduced to howls of laughter for several minutes
My husband: laughs so hard he honestly nearly slides out of his chair
It becomes clear that everyone spends most of their retreat in Scotland trying to pass Teddy off to somebody else. :)
Evelyn, the NYC socialite, took it upon herself, on behalf of the party, to pull Teddy into the party proper.
Evelyn: Teddy, you know that Alice is not well.
Teddy: Yes! I must care for her until she recovers.
Evelyn: would you do ANYTHING to help her recover?
Teddy: OF COURSE!
Evelyn: Teddy, I’m afraid…no, I mustn’t say it. (flees to look dramatically out at the loch where they recently dumped the dead body of last session’s suicidal artist)
Teddy, chasing her: YOU MUST TELL ME
Evelyn, dramatic hand to brow: Alice has been traumatized by… great evil! Will you help us defeat it?
Teddy, falling to his knees and lifting his fists into the air: I will defeat this great evil at any cost!
Evelyn, every hint of theatricality abandoned as she makes a hasty departure: Wonderful. SEAMUS? Teddy wants your company. (to Summerset, moments later) He’s in.
Having convinced Teddy to join them (against everyone’s better judgement), the party leaves Scotland for Derbyshire, where Teddy descends upon 3 very old toothless women at the pub.
Teddy, sincerely: Ladies! It is a delight to meet you! What great beauties you are, how kind and wise you must be! I am in search of great evil! Do you know where I can find some in your town?
The rest of the party: 😱😐😬🤦
There is, in fact, a source of at least evil in the town: a factory which the old women & a bunch of lads that Evelyn chatted up said was very secretive about what they do, & don’t say a word or the lads will lose their jobs.
Dylan, the sharpshooter, said he’d go sneak & have a look at the factory.
Teddy: Do you wish my assistance?
Dylan: noooooo yooooooou need to stay & take care of Evelyn
Evelyn: NO HE DOESN’T
Teddy: of course! I shall protect you with my SOUL!
Evelyn: sigh
Dylan & Summerset, who’s going with him: WHEW
Me: ok but it’s going to be a lot less funny without Teddy
Dylan & Summerset break in to the factory, using up their lockpicking on the first door, have to break the next two, and while hiding from security, come to a realization:
Summerset, hissing: Dylan! We’ve just broken into a building looking for a safe but used up all our lockpicking! What’re we doing here?
Dylan: IDK! I was hoping for a monster!
GM: yeah ’cause traditionally that’s a problem you can handle
GM: i’m gonna give you this one for free, lads: there are no monsters in this building. You’re just criminals.
Entire party: breaks down into laughter
Dylan: I’ve got dynamite!
Summerset: is there actually a safe in this room!?!?
GM: No.
Dylan & Summerset: AUGH
They escaped unscathed but with Mysterious Futuristic Bomb Blueprints. We also learned that the company the locals say they’re working for…does not have a factory in this area. Dun dun DUUUUUNNNNN! So next session we’ll figure out how to get into the factory another way & see what’s going on, because we didn’t really accomplish a lot in this session.
It was, however, very, very funny. :D