“I’ve always wanted to write a book!”

At the cafe this morning, people were talking w/site manager about market space. I was listening in & they noticed. Manager says “She’s writing a book!”

One immediately says “I have a great first line for a book: ‘I’ve a terrible secret.’ Isn’t that great? You could get a whole book deal off that!”

I thought, “Uh, no you couldn’t,” and I *said* “So what’s the secret?”

She said “You don’t find out at the end! Keep them for the second book!”

…right then.

Then they asked for my name in case I made it with this book. I said they could find me at Chapters Bookstore under CE Murphy.

Oh, they said, you’re affiliated with Chapters?

I’m not affiliated with them, I said, they just carry my books, and I refrained from adding “you assholes” to the end of that or any other remark.

I’m not really offended; people assume writers aren’t published or are vanity press & local shops are selling them on consignment. But @.@


  1. Most people who say “I’ve always wanted to write a book” mean “I’ve always wanted to have written a book.” The actual writing part is a total mystery to them, because if it weren’t, they wouldn’t say that. :)

  2. I laughed at this, it’s so freaking TRUE. I’ve lost count how many people have asked me who I used to publish my book and how much it cost, or think I’m just pretending to be a writer because I’m surely not a *real* one.

    Btw, I *do* have a cheesy opening line a friend gave me. Every time I think of it, I smile, even tho I’ll never use it.

    ‘I never knew blood was sticky.’

    Maybe there should be a compilation of catchy (but probably useless) opening lines?

  3. “I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.” is a favourite of mine.

    I’m fond of humorous or slightly surreal opening lines.
    Hmmm, let me think of one…

    “When Mr Jones came home from work that evening, he knew the goat was a mistake.”

Comments are closed.