I’ve turned a corner with this whole thing. Since Sunday I’ve been…pretty indifferent to the idea of treats. I mean, I had my Thursday hot chocolate, but I had a discussion with myself about it and got it after the movie I went to, when I’d actually gotten to some level of hunger, instead of shortly after lunch & before the movie when I was quite full but trying hard to convince myself that I really needed to get that hot chocolate now. I finally was like “no, really, why would you?” and walked away from it until I had actual appetite.
I ate sensibly all the way around the rest of the day, too, which is really unusual, as Thursdays are kind of my Indulgence Day, and I don’t berate myself for whatever I might eat on that day.
I did have four small cookies and a glass of milk after dinner tonight, but it wasn’t even vaguely an OH MY GOD I MUST HAVE SWEETS kind of thing. I had millions of calories left in my budget and a variety of things I could have chosen, but I thought cookies just sounded nice, so I baked up a few and ate them and they were *lovely*…and I didn’t even remember that I’d baked up more so Ted (who had gone to a movie) could have a few too. Usually that would be a fingernails in the couch cushions keeping myself away from them kind of thing, so…yeah. I feel like I’ve turned a corner.
I also still ended up miles under my calorie budget, which was a totally unexpected but nice bonus. I have, in fact, been on or under budget all week (unless I’m hopelessly miscounting my intake, but I try hard to overestimate rather than underestimate), which is the first time that’s happened in this entire process. If I can get through tomorrow, and I have no reason to expect I can’t at this point, I’ll have 7 full days of on-budget eating, which is pretty great.
And now I’m going to bed, because my eyes are very tired.
If you’ll recall, I confessed to many indulgences last week, some of which were foods I know don’t agree with my digestive system and which I expected to pay for having eaten.
I paid in spades tonight, not only in the expected manner (ie, a gas attack), but, because it came upon me immediately after dinner, in way of expelling the incredibly good seafood fettucini my husband had so kindly made for me because I love it and don’t get to have it often.
It was not as good coming up as it had been going down, although all its components were easily distinguishable both on my palate and in the bucket.
This was a greater penalty than I had intended to pay for my popcorn and egg salad, and I am contemplating the possibility that popcorn is Just Not Worth It. (But dammit, I like it so much. *sigh*)
Anyway, gastronomical distress aside, I may have turned a corner in the sugar wars. It’s been a few days now since I’ve been able to dig up any interest in, say, cookies. I consider them and I’m just like “eh, nah,” which at…what, like 23 days into this? Is about right, given they say rewiring habits doesn’t start to settle in until you’ve been doing the new practice at least 3 weeks.
Oh, and despite last week’s indulgences, I was down about half a pound on weigh-in day, which, given that the above gastronomical distress was no doubt in place and building at the time, felt pretty successful.
Anyway, I’m having a cup of hot tea to rehydrate & ward off the chills from this evening’s adventure, and going to bed.
Tonight marks three weeks of this sugar wars bullshit and I feel that it’s all bullshit and pointless and annoying and why should I be doing this and screw it all anyway.
Despite that, I had oatmeal and tea for my evening snack instead of cookies and milk, so apparently I haven’t actually given up on myself. Tomorrow (or Tuesday, or possibly Thursday, given how much popcorn I’ve eaten recently & what it tends to do to my digestive system) is weigh-in day. Perhaps I’ll be rewarded for my persistence, although the past week was pretty loose on the whole stricture of the thing and I got very little exercise, so who knows. OTOH I’ve kept counting calories, which is at least as hard for me to do consistently as staying off mother-frelling sugar.
Anyway, IDK. I’ve gone and made some bold food purchases, like dried blueberries for my oatmeal (I may someday work up to fresh ones, but this is not that day. I just don’t like them very much.) and SABLE grapes which I’ve never tried, and…a couple other things I can’t remember right now. Oh, cherries. I like cherries. (Especially Brach’s chocolate cove…wait…)
The truth is I’m not really at a stage of trying to Improve My Diet beyond cutting most sugar, because one thing at a freaking time. What I need to do in the relatively near future is start pre-filling my food log, because I am very, very lazy and if my food log says “10 cherries” or “2 small oranges” I’m actually more likely to eat those things when I’m hungry than find something else and have to change what I put in ahead of time. But again, one thing at a time, so if I don’t get around to doing that for another couple weeks, whatever. That’s fine. I can be increasingly (or more to the point, decreasingly) awesome later. :p
Ted’s going to make me more potato-leek soup tomorrow. He made some last week and it was so good I coulda cried. So good.
and they were GOOD.
I semi-invented a chocolate chip peanut butter cookie recipe that’s almost pretty decent. Well, I mean, it is decent. It’s not quite what I’m going for, not yet, so I’ll have to give it another go, but not for a while. I actually feel (tonight, at least, god knows tomorrow is another day) that the craving, which was as much for the baking process as the eating cookies, has been satisfied. Baking makes me feel better.
I also managed to walk 14K steps today, which didn’t negate the cookie indulgence but at least provided some balance. And I caught a Chansey! :)
It’s amazing how a couple of weeks of eating, if not exactly decently, at least non-sugarly, has flattened my enthusiasm for eating poorly. I ate many things I shouldn’t have today, one of which I actually regretted in straight up “no, I shouldn’t have eaten that,” way and one of which I thought was going to be a lot better than it was (a ham and egg crepe, which sounds good, doesn’t it? But it wasn’t.).
I also have a significantly smaller appetite than I did 2.5 weeks ago. So this is probably doing some good.
Still sucks, though.