and they were GOOD.
I semi-invented a chocolate chip peanut butter cookie recipe that’s almost pretty decent. Well, I mean, it is decent. It’s not quite what I’m going for, not yet, so I’ll have to give it another go, but not for a while. I actually feel (tonight, at least, god knows tomorrow is another day) that the craving, which was as much for the baking process as the eating cookies, has been satisfied. Baking makes me feel better.
I also managed to walk 14K steps today, which didn’t negate the cookie indulgence but at least provided some balance. And I caught a Chansey! :)
Saw my PT yesterday. My PT is lovely. We geeked out over being eager to see Logan. :) Anyway, I was (and am) feeling pretty emotionally wrecked, and asked her to take it a little easy on me.
Sure, she said. It must be the weather, she said; her first three clients that morning had cried, she said. Gawd.
Anyway, she did take it easy on me, and said, post-work, that I was really a lot looser overall and that she was totally justified in going easier on me. That was kind of unexpected, really, but nice to hear. And there were places, especially on my hips, where she was still definitely doing enough work to get the FLIBBA FLUBBA WUBBA muscle shudder (which my massage therapist friend E tells me is technially “fasciculation” or something like that, not FLIBBA FLUBBA WUBBA) going, but without nearly the level of OH GOD BREATHE THROUGH IT that previous sessions have held. So that’s probably good.
I’ve got one more next week and then I’m out of money on my magic gift certificate card, so we’ll see after that. :)
It’s amazing how a couple of weeks of eating, if not exactly decently, at least non-sugarly, has flattened my enthusiasm for eating poorly. I ate many things I shouldn’t have today, one of which I actually regretted in straight up “no, I shouldn’t have eaten that,” way and one of which I thought was going to be a lot better than it was (a ham and egg crepe, which sounds good, doesn’t it? But it wasn’t.).
I also have a significantly smaller appetite than I did 2.5 weeks ago. So this is probably doing some good.
Still sucks, though.
I’m pretty sure I’ve gone over to the dark side. I’m looking at my TBR shelf and thinking “the only way I’m going to read half of these is if I get the ebook.” My last…several…book purchases have been e-books, with the exception of one that’s on its way that wasn’t available to me in e-book (and which I have the first book in print and signed), and I’ve replaced a few with e-books at this point. And there are several more on this list that, realistically, if I’m gonna read them, it’ll be by replacing them in e-format.
I’m starting, honestly, to have the horrible feeling that my TBR shelf is more of a Never TBR Shelf. I’m finding that if I don’t read something pretty much immediately on purchase, it goes on the shelf and becomes…well, something of a burden, at this stage. And the lovely thing about the e-books is I can put together a wishlist and go buy something from it when I have a moment to read, and then bam, I’m reading it and all is copacetic. Furthermore, if there’s a sequel available, I then tend to buy them up on e-book and read them while my enthusiasm is still hot. So…yeah. I think I’ve gone to the dark side.
Last year the goal was to read all the books on the TBR shelf and anything left at the end of the year was going to the used bookstore unread, but last year sucked and I’m not holding myself to that line. I may give it another go this year, especially as I’m starting to realize an awful lot of the books on these shelves aren’t actually *mine*. I should, frankly, be able to get through the 20 or so fiction books on my physical shelf without straining myself too much this year.
The non-fiction shelf needs some active effort as well as updating. I suspect there, as well, that e-books would be read more quickly, but I’d…have to really change my habits to buy history books in e-format, so I’ll just try to work with what I’ve got right now. (Mneh. I see I could replace Ben Wilson’s DECENCY & DISORDER with an e-book, which is…extremely tempting, because a significant part of the reason I haven’t continued reading that is it’s a big fat book with small leding and margins which makes it physically difficult to read. And that’s not just because my eyes are getting older, as I’ve had the book for several years now and it’s only in the past year my focus point has changed! It’s just not a well designed book….)
I need to make a graphic novels list, too, just to remind myself there’s stuff I haven’t yet read.
All I want out of life is a plate of chocolate chip peanut butter cookies.
I don’t even *like* chocolate chip peanut butter cookies. I find them a perpetual disappointment. But I desperately want some.
This isn’t getting any easier. It’s not actually that it’s hard, it’s that it makes me grumpy, at least in part because I find baking soothing and these troubled times we’re living in require some real fucking soothment. But I’ve met me, and if I bake cookies, there’s no way I’ll stop eating at two. So, fuck.
I’ve lost another couple pounds, which, rather than being an inspiration, is more of a “WELL SEE THIS ISN’T THAT GODDAMN HARD I COULD JUST HAVE SOME GODDAMN COOKIES IT’D BE FINE” and it makes me cranky to know that isn’t true.
(Sorry, I’m in a terrible mood. The government’s a time bomb and I hate the world right now and I want some goddamn cookies.)