8:30pm: the phone rings.
Deirdre: I’m thinking of spontaneously gong to the 9:30 showing of Avengers! Wanna go?
Me: that’s a terrible idea! It’s 2.5 hours long! It has 25 minutes of commercials! You have to stay through ALL the credits! I’ll meet you there!
Deirdre: *peals of laughter*
The movie begins. Doctor Strange comes on screen.
Deirdre (whispered): Who’s that?
Me: Doctor Strange. He’s the magical protector of Earth.
Deirdre: ‘k
Spider-Man comes on screen.
Deirdre: Who’s that?
Me: Spider-Man!
Deirdre, who has apparently seen neither Civil War nor Homecoming: what?!?!
Vision & Wanda come on.
Deirdre: Who’re they?
Me: it’s a good thing i came to this with you, isn’t it?
Cap comes on screen.
Deirdre, her voice dropping two octaves even in a whisper: WHO. IS. THAT.
Me: that’s Captain America (implied: you weirdo!)
Deirdre: i think i need to marry him
Me: same, babe. same.
Nat comes on screen.
Deirdre: who’s that?
me: black widow!
deirdre: why did they make everybody look so DIFFERENT in this movie? (pause, just long enough to be funny) especially spider-man!?!?
Halfway thru the movie:
Deirdre: i have to pee. is it safe for me to leave?
Me: NO YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE DWARF’S INTRODUCTION
Deirdre: *waits, reacts correctly, is allowed to go use the toilet*
The movie ends.
Deirdre, in the silence as the credits begin to roll: What the *fuck*!
Deirdre: DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?
Me: well i did THIS TIME
We had a brilliant time. She spent half the movie elbowing me at every funny line as we both roared with laughter. It’s been a really long time since I’ve gone to a show with somebody who laughs as much, and as loudly, as I do. And Infinity War is a really funny movie, full of fast-paced quips, so there was a LOT of laughing. It was wonderful.
I’m PRETTY SURE the last time Deirdre and I went to a movie together was when we were around 15 and 18, a beautiful day in which, infamously, our father came to pick us up from the movie, but was very, very late in arriving.
“Did you forget about us?” we asked, amused.
“No,” said Dad. “It was such a beautiful evening I decided I’d ride my bike down to get you, and I was almost here when I realized why that wouldn’t work.”
Deirdre and I simultaneously said, “*DAAAAAAAAAAAAD*!” in absolute exasperation, and Dad BURST into laughter, because he had not, in fact, ridden his bike to get us (he’d been watching a movie about a woman who gets a brain transplant, or something, and it was so awful he couldn’t stop), but he was so very pleased that we had not even for one instant doubted that he would do something like that.
You *always* have to to stay through all the credits.