whiny self indulgence stricken

This post was written yesterday in a fit of whiny self indulgence. Consequently I’m putting it behind the more tag, and if you want to actually read the whiny self indulgence you can. Otherwise, I will just post about how we just went to see The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and oh my *god*.

I thought it was very nearly perfect. There were lines that came straight from the books, lines that I anticipated–and I haven’t *read* the books in fifteen years–and hearing them just about made me cry. I thought the casting of the children was astonishingly good. *All* of them. Everybody’s been crowing about how wonderful Lucy was, but Edmund was *perfect*, and I honestly adored Susan, who looked just exactly like Susan ought to have, and Peter homigawdwhataheartbreaker.

And the Witch. Wow. OMG. *biggest eyes ever* OMG. *bigger eyes than that* She. Was. Perfect. Tilda Swinton is my new hero. Wow. She was *magnificent*. Absolutely magnificent.

I went in highly skeptical about Aslan and the beaver family in particular. The beavers were…fine. They were what I expected, with moments of grace. Aslan was much, much better than I hoped and feared he might be, and Liam Neeson was an excellent voice casting for him. The centaurs were good, the fauns were good, and *what* is the name of that cheetah who was wandering around?! I can’t remember his name! It’s been too long since I’ve read the books! I really want to re-read them now.

And I *really* want to rewrite RIGHT ANGLES TO FAERYLAND.

I do not remember the last time I wanted to turn around and walk back into the movie theatre and watch a movie again *immediately*. I wanted to do that today.

God, I’m irritatingly predicatable. *sigh*

I’m feeling hideously dissatisfied with my blog. Usually when I’m not happy with my blog I’m displacing something else. Same thing with my hair. As soon as I notice I’m displacing I know what the other problem is, which I do, but that’s not the point. The point is that, displacement aside, there’s something completely legitimate to wanting my blog to be something … else. Not the blog, necessarily, but the blog design. I’ve bitched about the frustration of this before. I want to be better at blog design. I want something knockout and sexy and uniquely me and I don’t have the design skill to do that. When I try for it, I feel like I’m leaving me behind somehow, which is a bit asinine, not to mention catch-22y.

Part of the problem is I feel like I should use the sassy lady and “the essential kit” as design elements, because hey, this site has been the Essential Kit more often than not for over five years now. I don’t know that there’s anything that really summarizes what the damned journal’s about, since it’s not a purposeful blog, it’s just what happens when people I haven’t talked to six months say, “What’ve you been up to?” and I say, “Uh, nothing.” Now it’s still nothing, but at least you can keep up to date about it on the website. So there’s a degree here of feeling trapped by my own website, which has got to be some kind of specialized psychotic.

ART, dammit! I want art! And instead of art I’ve got…my skill set.

And then there’s that I’ve just moved to the other side of the planet and god, for an extrovert, what an introvert I am. The prospect of going out and trying to meet people is beyond scary. It’s, like, overwhelming. I don’t know how to do it. I mean, obviously going to swim and going over to Curves and those sorts of things would be good starts. We just discovered a club above one of the pubs here, and they’ve got a DJ on Friday and Saturdays, and I love going out dancing, so there’s something else I/we could theoretically do. There’s Christmas stuff coming up in Athy, give-aways and parties and things at pubs, and obviously going out to those would be a good idea. And apparently there’s a theatre group of some kind here (the lady at the pool told me so) that I should find out about and go check out. I should find out if there are dance classes in Carlow and see if I could, like, find somebody to teach me guitar, maybe, and I don’t know, something else that I’ve forgotten, oh, voice classes and frankly it’s a lot easier to whimper and not feel like going out somewhere new and scary.

So (yes, this ties back in) part of me is sort of thinking that, you know, if I cut my hair I’ll suddenly be fifty pounds thinner, only in this case it’s if I redesign my blog properly I’ll suddenly be fifty percent braver, or if I have the right design it’ll push me into going out and being a real live person and doing real life things. So what with all that (and with listening to way, *way* too much Bon Jovi) I’ve been kind of thinking about a ‘destination anywhere’ theme for the blog for 2006/until I get bored with it, whichever comes first, but the only imagery I’ve got of my own that would fit is sort of lonesome depressing stuff and that’s completely not the point. Oh no. Me, I want cheerful upbeat poppy enthusiastic inspiring artistic shit.


AND there’s the fact that because I use my site as a bookmark file I can’t go 100% artistic because if I can’t get to my navigational bar easily I just get pissed off. I suppose I could do without the book links, although I don’t know, they seem like good things to have even if this is my personal site instead of my professional one, and *argh*.

*glowers around helplessly* Anybody want to give me a new blog design for Christmas?


  1. Cal

    Your comments on Narnia pretty much summed up my thoughts. Must see again! *squee*

    As for your site, I’ve been liking the current incarnation. However, I understand the desire for a makeover and that need to get it “just right.” Of coursem if you’ve seen mine, you know I have all the design talent of a blind garden gnome. ;)

    As for getting out and meeting people… come on! You have a fabulous personality. You won me over easily at WW my first year, and I usually don’t like anyone. Get out, do some things you like, and be yourself. You shine on your own. (okay, so that was cheesy, but it’s true.) *hugs*

  2. Janne

    Introvert that I am, I think spending time redesigning the blog is a good idea. Sooner or later you’ll get bored enough with the coding that getting out to meet people will get a lot more tempting. Beside, haven’t you had enough changes in the last month to last a while? Plenty of time to meet people and pile up the newness, oh, next year or so…

  3. Well, Catie. I will state that I have a blog design I love, that I used a template and tinkered with it until it matched my design. But it is also not on my website, and I am barely learning the skills for messing with my website. And I want to redesign my website…

    And I guess I’m there with you on the hiding bit. And I’ll say (being an introvert ALL the time), that you shouldn’t bash yourself up about it. Even introverts like me feel the need to get out of the house after “cocooning” for two weeks of new no-day-job-and-very-cold-weather status.

    Getting out and meeting people will come naturally! Really. I know.

    Guess I’d better get out of my writing clothing layers, bathe and get myself Downtown to do some errands…

    And you are not alone. You have a Ted and Shaun. They’ll help.

    Robin (who lets her whining just hang out on her blog and annoy her readers, so excellent idea to warn). BTW, I have ART for Calli, a woman on a flying horse. Yowza. (is that STILL used?)

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