I have never come so close to walking out of a movie in my life. Seriously, if Ted hadn’t been with me, I think I’d have been out of there in the first ten minutes. The reason why, full of spoilers, behind the cut. So is a fair bit of swearing.
It opened with Irene Adler. I thought, “Oh! I didn’t know she was in this. I hope that doesn’t mean they’re going to kill her off.”
Ten minutes later she was dead.
Let me be perfectly clear. I do not know if Irene Adler died that way in the books. I don’t even know if Irene Alder is *in* the books. Even if she is and it’s canon, I do not give a shit.
Yes, the threat to the Watsons would have been less credible if Irene had not died. Yes, it’s entirely possible, given that this is Sherlock Holmes, that Irene is not actually dead. Let me repeat, in case you missed it: I don’t give a shit.
I am *tired* of the smart clever appealing woman dying in the first ten minutes, or halfway through, because it makes for a more credible threat or because it didn’t really happen or whatever the hell reason you want. I was *infuriated*. I *am* infuriated. *Fuck* that. Find somebody else to kill. Establish a credible threat by OH I DON’T KNOW BLOWING UP A NUMBER OF POLITICAL TARGETS OH WAIT THEY DID THAT TOO.
Ted said, “At least they got an emotional reaction out of you? …not that walking out of the theatre is the emotional reaction they want…” Yeah, it’s not, and neither is losing me before the introduction of the film is over, and believe me, they had lost me. They lost me *cold*. I found the movie mildly amusing. There were a couple of laugh-out-loud moments. RDJ and Jude Law make a great Holmes/Watson bromance. I love them together. I really do. But I could not get over them killing Irene Adler. I didn’t warm up to the movie again until the *last* ten minutes, with the fall.
And that, to be fair, was so beautifully done–the moment between Holmes and Watson, the closing of the eyes, the silence, the stillness–it was perfect. It was perfect. And they won me back there, because it was so beautiful.
But I left the theatre with a bad taste in my mouth and I’m still pissed and what pisses me off even more is knowing I’ll see the third one just in case they use it to say “Hah! Not dead after all!” and bring Irene back. *Fuck* this. Fuck them killing Irene and fuck them killing Letty and fuck them killing Ripley and just ARRRRRRRRGH. Fuck them *all*.