Sitting down to write this morning presented me with another stage of the mid-book blues: I discovered that I was so uncertain as to the quality and story-telling appropriateness of everything leading up to where I was that I couldn’t convince myself that if I just kept going forward, it would be okay.
This also happens pretty much every time. So I printed the bloody thing out, and am now reading it. Reading my own work at this stage is one of the most mind-numbing things in existence. I just start falling asleep. I often end up taking naps, because I just can’t keep my eyes open. To try to counter this, I do things like dishes and blog posts and moving around, but omg. So. Mind-numbing.
Oft-repeated behavior tells me that I will inch my way through reading this, and decide it’s really not all that bad. One of two things will then happen:
1. I will be able to continue on.
2. I will be wrong, but unable to admit it/see where the problem is, and will take another few days of staring numbly at the computer screen before I come to terms with/recognize whatever it is that needs fixing, and then I will have to go back and cut and revise and become filled with hatred as my wordcount goes down instead of up before everything is actually okay and I can really continue on.
Guess which one of those is more likely.
I’ve…gotten better about the necessity of mid-book revision stage. It usually only takes me about 48 hours, now, to realize that’s the problem and to find a way to deal with it. I used to get stuck at this point for weeks or even months (or years, prior to publication (ie, when I had the luxury of years)), unable to figure out why I was spinning my wheels and being so frustrated.
I would like very much to get past the delay in recognizing the problem/finding an answer to fix the problem thing, but I don’t know if that’s really possible. *sigh* Anyway, back to trying not to fall asleep over my manuscript, I guess…
I know you probably didn’t intend for this post to be particularly helpful, but it is! I am so glad to hear that I’m not the only writer out there who has difficulty reading through an unfinished manuscript looking for where things went wrong. I don’t fall asleep, but I do get twitchy. As in, I’d rather be doing ANYTHING else.
Thanks for making me feel a little less abnormal. :-)
Actually, I hoped that it might be helpful. :) Glad that it was! And you’re very welcome. :)
I agree, it’s wonderful to hear that you go through exactly the same things I do when confronted with a large block of text I somehow generated. I’m still in the process of learning that I can get through it if I just press on, so I’m glad to know I’m trying to learn the right thing. ;)
I think it’s kinda funny that you fall asleep reading your manuscript and your fans can’t sleep because they stay up all night reading your book… :D